On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat.
I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’
Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.
The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’
Manager: ‘No. A what?’
Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’
Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’
Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’
He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.
Do you have anything else?’
Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?
Server: ‘I don’t know.’
Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’
Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’
Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’
Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’
Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change.
Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’
Server: ‘What should I do?’
Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’
Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’
Manager: ‘Just tell him.’
Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.
The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’
Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’
Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’
Me: ‘Why not?’
Manager: ‘I think you know why.’
Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’
Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’
Me: ‘Excuse me?’
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’
Me: ‘What on earth for?’
Manager: ‘Please, sir..’
Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’
Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’
Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’
Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.
A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.
Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’
Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’
Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’
Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’
Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’
Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’
Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’
Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’
Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’
Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’
Security Guard walks over to me and……
Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’
Me: ‘Uh, no.’
Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’
Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’
At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says,
Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’
Manager: ‘It’s fake.’
Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’
Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’
Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘
Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’
The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
Methods of Death & How They Feel
- Drowning: When victims eventually submerge, they hold their breath for as long as possible, typically 30 to 90 seconds. After that, they inhale some water, splutter, cough and inhale more. Survivors say there is a feeling of tearing and a burning sensation in the chest as water goes down into the airway. Then that sort of slips into a feeling of calmness and tranquility. That calmness represents the beginnings of the loss of consciousness from oxygen deprivation, which eventually results in the heart stopping and brain death.
- Heart Attack: The most common symptom is chest pain: a tightness, pressure or squeezing, often described as an “elephant on my chest”, which may be lasting or come and go. This is the heart muscle struggling and dying from oxygen deprivation. Pain can radiate to the jaw, throat, back, belly and arms. Other signs and symptoms include shortness of breath, nausea and cold sweats.
- Bleeding to Death: Anyone losing 1.5 litres – either through an external wound or internal bleeding – feels weak, thirsty and anxious, and would be breathing fast. By 2 litres, people experience dizziness, confusion and then eventual unconsciousness.
- Fire: Burns inflict immediate and intense pain through stimulation of the pain nerves in the skin. To make matters worse, burns also trigger a rapid inflammatory response, which boosts sensitivity to pain in the injured tissues and surrounding areas.As burn intensities progress, some feeling is lost but not much. 3rd degree burns don’t hurt as much as 2nd degree burns.
- Decapitation: Very quick. Consciousness is said to continue for a few seconds after decapitation. It’s thought to be painless. But the separation of the spinal cord and brain may cause severe pain.
- Electrocution: Higher currents can produce nearly immediate unconsciousness. The electric chair was designed to produce instant loss of consciousness and painless death, but that’s debatable. It’s been proposed that prisoners could instead be dying from heating of the brain, or perhaps from suffocation due to paralysis of the breathing muscles instead of electrocution itself because the skulls of the wall are a thick and powerful insulator.
- Falling from a height: Another instantaneous death. Survivors of great falls often report the sensation of time slowing down. The natural reaction is to struggle to maintain a feet-first landing, resulting in fractures to the leg bones, lower spinal column and life-threatening broken pelvises. The impact traveling up through the body can also burst the aorta and heart chambers.
- Hanging: The rope puts pressure on the windpipe and the arteries to the brain. This can cause unconsciousness in 10 seconds, but it takes longer if the noose is incorrectly sited. Witnesses of public hangings often reported victims “dancing” in pain at the end of the rope, struggling violently as they asphyxiated.
- Lethal injection: . First comes the anaesthetic thiopental to speed away any feelings of pain, followed by a paralytic agent called pancuronium to stop breathing. Finally potassium chloride is injected, which stops the heart almost instantly. eyewitnesses have reported inmates convulsing, heaving and attempting to sit up during the procedure, suggesting it’s not always completely effective.
- Vacuum (In Outer Space): When the external air pressure suddenly drops, the air in the lungs expands, tearing the fragile gas exchange tissues. This is especially damaging if the victim neglects to exhale prior to decompression or tries to hold their breath. Oxygen begins to escape from the blood and lungs. Human survivors from NASA often report an initial pain, like being hit in the chest, and may remember feeling air escape from their lungs and the inability to inhale. Time to the loss of consciousness was generally less than 15 seconds.
Want to attend college for free? It can happen if you learn German.
All German universities are now free to Americans and all other international students. The last German state to charge tuition at its universities struck down the fees this week.
Even before Germany abolished college tuition for all students, the price was a steal. Typically semester fees were around $630. What’s more, German students receive many perks including discounts for food, clothing and events, as well as inexpensive or even free transportation.
In explaining why Germany made this move, Dorothee Stapelfeldt, a Hamburg senator, called tuition fees “unjust” and added that “they discourage young people who do not have a traditional academic family background from taking up study. It is a core task of politics to ensure that young women and men can study with a high quality standard free of charge in Germany.”
Actually, German universities were free up until 2006 when they started charging tuition. That triggered such a crush of criticism that German states began phasing out this policy. Lower Saxony was the last holdout.
It’s too bad that politicians in the U.S. don’t feel that a college education is worth supporting appropriately. State aid to the nation’s public universities took a nosedive during the 2008 recession and education funding remains well below those levels. The average state is spending 23 percent less per student than before the recession, according to a report by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities.
Actually, state support has been declining for public universities for a quarter of a century. Using an interactive tool from The Chronicle of Higher Education, you can see how state government subsidies have cratered at individual institutions.
With the average undergrad borrower now leaving school with more than $29,000 in debt, the free ride in Germany can look awfully tempting.
How to handle the language barrier
German is not an easy language to learn. Fortunately, however, there are international language programs in Germany, which have become very popular with international students before they tackle obtaining a degree in a different language.
What’s more, an increasing number of German universities are offering degrees in English. These are often called international studies programs or in some other way have the word international in their title.
This is actually making me cry…it’s one of those times when you realize that your own government just truly, honestly, does not give a shit about your wellbeing in any way.
If Americans don’t reblog this, then y’all need help.
You know what I like, and feel is so important? That he doesn’t say “Men thinks those are THEIR positions”. He says “We think those are OUR positions.”
As a male feminist, he still doesn’t exclude himself from the group of men.